Go shawty it's (not) ya birthday! Why am I celebrating? Why am I in a tub? Why am I faking another magazine cover? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z... Well, if you remember my birthday was April 15th but my intro to 29 was less than pleasant.My friends and hubs did their part but that stomach virus had me in its stronghold for 5 long stomach flipping days.I didn't want to say before exactly what happened but I woke up ,on the morning of my birthday ,and guess what I did? I damn shit myself.It doesn't help that my nickname is high school was-- you guessed it ,Dooky.Yes, 10 years after I pee in the bed on my birthday.Talk about a day going to the shits. So I am doing it over.I will not be 29's bitch. I am celebrating how I wanted to with all the bells, whistles, and glitter shoes.You know I love editorials, so yea I went with a Paper Magazine style shoot. If something doesn't turn out right, just do it over.There is no shame in that at all.This is coming from a Harvard-dreaming, Chemistry-wannabe nerd, Latin-loving, AP-class taking, school-skipping, underage-drinking, partied-way-too-hard -got-afraid-and-depressed-college DROPOUT.I am not ashamed of those things, but there was a time I was.I kicked myself over and over for doing so bad in college.I should have studied more or learn how to study.I should not have kissed all -- that one boy (tee hee) , it was college yall know what was up lol.I should have reached out for help when feelings of depression kept me locked in my room.I felt like I let my parents down and felt inadequate while I saw my friends walking across the stage with their degrees. It literally haunted me even in my sleep.I had dreams for years of me back in college. I entertained the thought of going back but I was so scared I would fail again. Fear can be worse than the actual thing we are afraid of doing most times.The fear of failing has decimated many dreamers, I wasn't going to let that be me. After getting fired (long story another day) from what I thought was my dream job and being unemployed for 8 months I did some sulking, soul searching and sage burning (metaphorically).So what about the past? So what about the screw ups? So the fuck what?! Hakuna Matata that shit and try it again, but with the lessons learned from before. I went back to school and not for Chemistry like round one (what was I thinking knowing I suck at math beyond Geometry) this time for Business and completed my degree with a 3.8 GPA. One of the things that I have noticed as I am getting older is that I care. I care so much that I don't want to mess up. Like for instance, I was soooo hype to take the idea of this shoot into reality, but fear set in when the trial run didn't turn out well. I had to Hakuna Matata and try again. It came out way better than I expected. If you noticed, I never shoot indoors so this and getting the lighting right along with makeup that is flash-friendly were some of the challenges that I would have to face. After yelling at hubs for him to understand what I wanted and after him yelling at me back (yea the yelling was pret-ty hot!), we blasted some music and made my daughter and stepson blow up most of these balloons .They threw me a party for my bday at work and I saved some of the balloons and that's kinda where this idea started.The lips and sunglasses were from the party my besties threw for me and the crown was given to me last year on my bday by a co-worker,Bernadette (I miss you Bernieeee!!).I really am a very sentimental person and I just want them to know I appreciated all the effort they put into making my birthday special. I had the bright idea of just grabbing shit I have all over my house to line the tub and bam! I almost forgot the deets of my look! My hair is 28 in Raw Indian Natural Wave from Glamour House of Hair.My sweat shirt is from the designer Ticarmo.Follow her custom designs page @cut_raw_by_ticarmo to get updates of when her website drops , which is soon.My shirt and heels are old from Shein (last year).My pants are denim stirrups from Asos.I posted the link last Friday in my Havana Nights post, but you can shop them here for $16*. *they run fairly small I have the size 4 and these shits is tight. Whether you are Queen of B.S. (me) or Captain Care too much (also me) never be afraid to give yourself a second chance to be great.I look at my life now and no I am not famous, but I am so incredibly blessed.Doing what I love with the man I love (yall know hubs takes all my pics) and having the love and support of you all really makes me feel like that is all I need, well and a million dollars #dassit. If you are reading this I am currently flying high in the skies heading to creative direct a special shoot with someone you may have seen on TV!! I can not tell you how excited I am.Have a great Friday, live your dreams, and don't be afraid to call for your dreams (if you have PTO or Sick time.Dont lose your 9-5 over me!)
4 Comments
Latoya
5/5/2017 03:40:56 pm
So glad that are able to relive your birthday again! Also, so happy for you and being able to go at it again. It helps to have he support system, depression is so evil. You are such a baddie! ❤️️
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5/7/2017 11:36:01 am
Cowgirl, how the heck do you make shitting on yourself sound cool. I am sad to hear about your stomach upset but forgive for litteraly laughing out loud reading this 😢, you are literally the best. I love the way you make real things sound so human and normal. Thank you so much for being you always, it's a big encouragement for me to be more me. WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU 😘😘😘
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5/7/2017 01:39:44 pm
I really enjoyed this post. You describe this topic very well. I really enjoy reading your blog and I will definitely bookmark it! Keep up the interesting posts!
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